


topography

by phalangine



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Get Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 14:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11442510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phalangine/pseuds/phalangine
Summary: Jim loses his memory. Things could be worse.





	topography

**Author's Note:**

> one (1) million thanks to kinneys, who did an army's worth of beta duties with me on this fic

They call him Jim. It's short for James Tiberius Kirk, a name that fits as well as any other- which is to say, poorly. They tell him he's the captain of a ship called the Enterprise, he got hit on the head, and that's why he doesn't remember who he is. They seem like decent people, so Jim is inclined to trust them. That and there's something compelling about them, something that makes him want to believe them.

He met McCoy first. He's the ship's head doctor and, according to everyone else, an infamous grump. He treats Jim patiently, though. Shows him how to work the nonsensical technology that's thrust at him, talks him through everything he sees, introduces him and helps him keep track of the crew.

After McCoy, he meets Spock. Then Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, Keenser...

Keenser, by virtue of being the only small, green alien he meets, is the easiest to remember after McCoy.

"So," Jim says, playing with his food, "you really think I'll get my memory back, huh?" He doesn't know how he feels about that.

McCoy purses his lips. "It's likely. There's no guarantee it will happen, though." He takes a bit of his chicken, chewing thoughtfully. "You worried about remembering?"

Jim nods. McCoy has an uncanny way of reading him. No one else seems able to intuit Jim's moods and his frustrations the way he can. "I feel like the man you knew and I are two different men."

"And you don't know how you'll feel when you're confronted with my Jim," McCoy finishes. "That's not unreasonable. I doubt the memories will return all at once, though, so you ought to have time to adjust some."

A knot of pressure eases in Jim's chest. "I can handle that."

McCoy nods, and they go back to eating in silence.

Eventually, though, when McCoy is gathering their dishes up, Jim says, "I see why we're friends."

"Pardon?"

"You and Jim. I can see why, after everything that happened to you, the two of you are so close." He shrugs. "I'm sorry I'm not him."

He looks away, embarrassed and annoyed, only for McCoy to flick him on the temple.

"Ow!"

"Of course you're my Jim," he says sharply. "You're different, but you're still him. Stop trying to push me away. It won't work."

With that, he storms out, and Jim is left wondering, as he always is, how someone as messed up as Jim Kirk found a friend as good as McCoy.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim is adjusting, albeit slowly. Leonard watches him carefully, but he hasn't seen any undue signs of distress. Sulu is managing just fine as captain in Jim's absence. They're returning to the nearest starbase just in case, but Leonard is confident that, provided things with Jim hold steady, they won't need to be grounded.

He could kill Jim for doing this, though. Of all the foolish ways he's nearly gotten himself killed...

He knew the indigenous people were more agile than humans - more than any of the humanoid species Starfleet has encountered. He had no business going off on a hiking trip with any of them, even one of the old ones. It's no wonder the idiot fell.

That's Jim for you, though, and Leonard is left once again to pick up the pieces. More literally than he would like this time. Jim's skull was fractured in a way that makes Leonard's gut churn just remembering it. A century or two ago, Jim wouldn't have stood a chance. In this time, he's alive, but he knocked all his memories out.

It's almost a relief, in a sickening way. This Jim is more careful than the one Leonard knows. And it's not just because Leonard spent fifteen minutes impressing the severity of head wounds on him. He touches everything with a sort of wonder Leonard can't remember anyone ever having. It's all new and fragile to him.

"Jim," he calls, knocking on the door to Jim's quarters.

The door opens and a rumpled Jim emerges. "What's up, McCoy?"

Leonard's heart drops a little at the sound of his surname, but he ignores it. "We agreed it would be good for you to try things you used to do. I thought chess would be therapeutic."

"You play?" he asks, looking surprised.

Leonard huffs a laugh and shakes his head. "I don't. Never had the patience to be any good. But this guy-" He gestures Spock forward "-plays with you almost every night."

Jim blinks. "You're Spock, right?"

Spock nods stiffly. "It is good to see you up, Jim."

"It's good to be up, I think." He glances over his shoulder. "Why don't you come in? It's a little messy-"

"It usually is," Spock interrupts. "You are a busy man, and not one given to tidiness."

The two of them seem to be getting along fine, so Leonard turns to leave, only for Jim to call for him.

"You're leaving?" Jim looks nervous. "I thought you'd stay."

"I tend to avoid your chess matches," Leonard says apologetically. He takes a step closer and claps Jim on the shoulder gently. Leaning in, he adds quietly, "You and Spock are good friends, Jim. Let him have some time to reassure himself you're not in danger."

Jim looks skeptical but nods gamely. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Leonard nods, and with nothing holding him back, he returns to his quarters for the first time since they beamed Jim aboard.

 

**_xx_ **

 

It takes a few seconds for Jim to realize he doesn't remember how to play chess. This doesn't seem to phase Spock.

"I will teach to play again, if you would like," he offers serenely.

To his surprise, Jim finds he would.

Spock is a thorough teacher, and the two of them quickly move onto practice matches, where Spock beats him soundly.

"Is it always this bad?" he wonders aloud.

"It is not. You are a strong competitor, Jim."

"Sorry I'm not one right now."

"There is no reason to apologize. You almost died. I very much prefer an opponent who must relearn his strategies to having no opponent at all."

Jim thinks that over. "McCoy said you and I are good friends."

"I am your first officer."

"That doesn't really tell me anything," Jim points out.

Spock nods, conceding the point. "I suppose it does not." He tilts his head, eyes narrowed in thought. "We are the closest of friends. There is nowhere I would not follow you."

Jim blinks. "That's... a lot."

"My apologies. I did not mean to overwhelm you. I simply meant, if there is anything I can do, you need only ask. You have saved me many times. It is only fair that you allow me to assist you now."

"What's the deal with McCoy?" Jim asks without thinking. "I know I'm his captain, but he's always there."

"Does that bother you?"

"No, but... Surely he's got other things to do? I don't want him to get behind on his real work just because I can't remember how to use something."

"I do not believe the doctor regards you as work at all." Spock leans forward. "It is closer to a labor of love, if you will."

"Love?" Jim asks, choking.

"The two of you have been friends even longer than you and I. It was McCoy who willingly broke his oath and brought you back from the dead."

"He did what?"

"He did not tell you? No, of course he did not." Spock sighs. "You died, Jim. To save the ship- to save us- you sacrificed yourself for us." His lips quirk slightly. "It is not in the doctor's nature to let death take its due course. He is quite a... stubborn man. The most loyal of friends, as I have found."

Jim closes his eyes, digesting all that. "Tell me more about it," he says slowly. "The way I died. Tell me about that."

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard finds Jim and a guilty looking Vulcan waiting for him in Jim's quarters. It isn't difficult to figure out what they were up to.

"I told you not to tire him out," Leonard hisses at Spock.

"He had questions."

"He also had orders to return to a regular sleep schedule. Which he conveniently forgot to mention last night, I'm guessing."

Jim has the good grace to look embarrassed.

"Come on, you two," Leonard says when neither tries to defend himself. "It's time to eat."

He turns on his heel, secure in the knowledge that Spock and Jim will fall in line behind him. True to form, they do.

Spock breaks away when they get to the mess. Uhura is waiting for him at their usual table, an extra tray ready and waiting for him across from her.

Leonard lets Spock go without further scolding. There's no point in it, and Jim is looking unsure of himself as it is. He doesn't need to witness one of Leonard's empty spats with Spock.

"No fruit," Leonard says when he sees Jim reaching for some. "Not first thing in the morning. What you need is protein, not sugar."

Unlike the Jim Leonard knows, this one nods and changes course, picking instead one of the "smoothies" Leonard picked out for him yesterday. Leonard takes one, too, and together, they make their way to a table.

"So," Leonard begins, "what did you and our first officer spend all night talking about?"

"You," Jim says easily. Leonard chokes, and Jim throws a smile at him. It's almost sharp enough to be a proper Jim smile. "Just a little, though. Mostly we talked about me dying. Some missions we went on. Uhura."

"That's more than you should have," Leonard says, frowning. "I don't want you to overdo it, Jim. Your brain is delicate. Rushing to remember won't do you or anyone else any good."

Jim gives him a flat look. "I know that, Bones."

Leonard fumbles his fork.

"You okay?" Jim asks.

"You called me Bones."

Jim flushes. "Oh, yeah. Spock told me about the nickname. It just feels more natural than anything else."

"That's good," he rasps. "That's real good."

"I didn't remember it, though."

"That's fine. We want you to be comfortable, Jim."

"More than you want me to remember?"

"More even than that."

Jim ducks his head, but Leonard isn't done.

"You're our number one priority, Jim." He puts his hand over Jim's. "It's okay to rest. We want you to get better but not if it means hurting yourself."

Jim nods, but Leonard can already tell this isn't going to be the last time they have this conversation.

 

**_xx_ **

 

There's something special about Bones. He's easy to talk to despite his gruffness- a side Jim is coming to see more of. It isn't a bad thing. He likes this crotchety side of Bones. It feels comfortable and familiar, a little like coming home even when he doesn't know where home is.

It's nice, and Jim finds himself spending more and more time in Med Bay. He isn't allowed to help with patients, but he does get to watch and help when they do inventory.

He doesn't go to the bridge. Bones asks him a couple times if he wants to go, reassuring him that he would be welcome, but the thought of going there only makes Jim feel queasy. After a while, Bones stops asking.

They're sitting side by side behind Bones' desk, both of them propping their feet on it, and Jim feels, for the first time, something like ease. He doesn't have to play at being fine when he's alone with Bones. He's allowed to make mistakes. He gets to be Jim, the pain in the ass who eats too much sugar.

It's everything he could ask for, and he lets himself doze off peacefully, the itch to get his memories back faded to a dull, easily forgotten ache.

 

**_xx_ **

 

"Hey, Bones?"

Leonard looks up from his PADD. "Yeah, Jim?"

"What do I do when I start to remember?"

"Well, you come find me," Leonard says. "That's priority one. Then we'll get you to a biobed, scan you with the tricorder, maybe see if a walking EEG helps identify what your brain is doing when you remember... Why?"

Jim shrugs. "I guess I just want to picture it. You know, remembering." He doesn't meet Leonard's eyes.

"You may never remember," Leonard reminds him. "As your doctor-"

"As my doctor, you have to remind of that. I know, Bones. It's just... If I don't remember, what will happen to me? Do I go through the Academy again? Do I find something else?" He balls his hands into fists. "I hate this."

Here's Jim, Leonard thinks. His best friend isn't gone. He's just hiding, licking his wounds, readying himself for a typical Jim style return.

"I don't know what you'll do," Leonard admits. "But you're still Jim. And if there's one thing I know about Jim Kirk, it's that he always lands on his feet. You'll make it through."

Jim nods and slouches deeper into his seat.

Leonard resists the urge to sigh. Nothing is ever easy with Jim.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim is bored. Bones is probably sleeping, Spock is on duty on the bridge, and no one else has tried to get near him. With nothing else to do, he decides it's time he got familiar with his belongings.

The first thing he finds is the thing Bones called a PADD.

Jim remembers the password with his fingers rather than his mind. The PADD comes to life immediately, as though it wants Jim to remember as much as Jim does.

He taps at a few apps, idly taking in numbers and formulas and spreadsheets he barely recognizes. It's unbearably boring until he accidentally opens something that reveals a bunch of photos.

The subjects of the first are easy to identify as his crew. They're standing together in rows, shoulder to shoulder, all smiling brightly. His heart twists painfully in his chest when he sees himself smiling the brightest. He must have loved these people greatly. They deserve a captain who remembers them.

He flips to the next photo quickly. This one is only of Bones. He's scowling at the camera, one hand extended as if he was about to rip it out of the photographer's hands. Jim can imagine him doing that.

The next photo is also of Bones. This time he's got a little girl with him, and he's smiling wide and genuine. The girl is holding his hand, and the resemblance between the two makes Jim's heart stop.

This must be Jo, he thinks, swallowing hard. She's a beautiful little girl- big brown eyes, rosy cheeks, her father's nose. She's laughing about something that's making Bones' mouth quirk up in the corner.

Jim moves onto the next photo reluctantly.

This one is of Jim and Bones. They're slouched together on a bench, both dressed in civilian clothes. Jim studies Bones' jacket, a sense-memory tugging at him.

It smelled like Bones, he recalls. Bones and cigarettes Bones doesn't smoke.

The leather was old and soft to the touch, almost like butter. It was smooth under his fingertips when he laid his hands on the shoulders. Bones' stubbled cheek was rough against his own, his lips soft...

Jim jerks back to himself. No one told him he and Bones were together. Bones promised he wouldn't hold back details. He promised.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard is working on the latest write up of Jim's condition when Jim himself shows up. He doesn't knock or announce his presence; he just enters the override code to the door and marches in.

"You lied," he announces.

Leonard frowns. He doesn't remember lying to Jim. Not this version of him, anyway.

"What did I lie about?"

"You said you wouldn't withhold information."

"And what information are you suggesting I'm withholding?" Leonard asks, genuinely coming up blank.

Jim folds his arms across his chest. "We've kissed."

Leonard swallows hard, the memory rushing forward- "Oh." Yeah, he can see where Jim is getting tripped up. "Once, yeah, when we were at the Academy."

"Just once?" Jim asks, brow furrowing. "That didn't feel like a first kiss."

Leonard shrugs. "I don't know what to tell you, Jim. It was just once, back at the Academy."

"You let me down easy?"

"We let each other down easy," Leonard corrects. "I was dating someone, so I pushed you away, and you never brought it up again." Not that his dating Don had mattered; they broke up two days later.

"But you did have feelings for me?"

"I did."

"What about now?" Jim's eyes are wide, beseeching. "Do you feel anything for me now?"

"It doesn't matter," Leonard says with a shake of his head.

Jim frowns. "Yes, it does. Bones-"

Leonard rubs his hands over his face. "Be kind, Jim," he pleads. "For once, let this go."

Jim bites the inside of his cheek, visibly torn. Before the accident, he would have pushed regardless of Leonard's requests that he let things be. But this isn't that Jim. This is the newer, more tentative Jim. It's impossible to say what he'll decide to do.

In the end, after a long moment of staring at each other, Jim nods. "That didn't feel like a one time thing," he says slowly. "And I didn't feel like I wanted it to be. But I can let it go if that's what you want."

"I do," Leonard says firmly. "Thank you, Jim."

Jim doesn't like this- that much is obvious from the set of his jaw- but he nods and backs away. "Good night, Bones."

"Night, Jim."

 

**_xx_ **

 

Two shifts later, Jim remembers his first full memory.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard is just finishing working the dermal regenerator over the cut in Jim's forehead when Jim wakes up. His eyes don't focus immediately, but he latches onto Leonard fiercely as he blinks the confusion away.

His voice is rough as he grinds out, "Aviophobia."

It takes a moment to make sense, but when it does, Leonard sighs and picks up the waiting cup of water. "I'm guessing you remembered how we met."

Jim nods, accepting the cup and taking a sip. "You really hate space, don't you?" he asks when he finishes.

After one last sweep with the regenerator, Leonard puts it aside and sits down on the chair he pulled up beside the biobed earlier. "I do."

"Yet here you are. In space."

"Here I am," Leonard agrees.

Jim lets out a breath, gaze flicking toward the ceiling. "I don't understand you."

"The feeling's mutual," Leonard replies, amused for the moment before professionalism sets in. "Any nausea? Dizziness? Blurry or double vision?"

"Nah. Just feeling a bit tired."

"Good. I'd like to keep an eye on you a little longer anyway- you hit your head when you fell. Make yourself comfortable."

Jim nods, and Leonard pats his shoulder. If only Jim were always this agreeable.

The thought sits oddly within him, but Leonard doesn't have time to psychoanalyze himself. He's got Jim to watch and a number of follow-ups to perform.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim lets himself doze off while Bones gets to work. The gruff rumble of his voice is strangely soothing, and Jim floats on it, buoyed by Bones' occasional touch.

"Still no nausea?" he asks at one point, forehead furrowed. "No vision issues?"

"None," Jim says for the tenth time. "I'm fine, Bones."

"You're an amnesiac," Bones grumbles. "You're anything but fine."

He lets Jim go eventually, though, and despite the pang in his chest at the thought of leaving Bones behind, Jim could really use a shower and a proper bed.

He doesn't miss the way Bones watches him go- he couldn't miss it, given the way Bones visibly pokes his head up and follows Jim's path out the door. It's a little unsettling, like being watched by a particularly shrewd owl. If owls could tell ensigns to shut up. But it's familiar somehow, and Jim's feeling good as he makes his way to his quarters.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard keeps a close eye on Jim. He knows the scans all came back fine and that the mess of blood was typical of a head wound, even a non-traumatic one. All trace of the mess has been cleaned up by the time Leonard walks down the corridor, but he can still see it in his mind, still feel it on his hands as he touched Jim's neck to check for a pulse.

Jim's door is already open when he gets there. Leonard pokes his head through and calls Jim's name. A moment later, Jim appears. He's shiny with sweat and grinning widely.

"Find the gym, did you?" Leonard asks as lightly as he can, trying to ignore the way Jim looks blessed out.

Jim nods. "You cleared me for some light stuff," he says hastily.

That's true, but Leonard suspects Jim didn't keep to that. "Be careful, would you? I don't want you smacking your head a third time."

"Sure thing, Bones."

"Why don't I believe you?" Leonard shakes his head. "I came to tell you we're getting close to the starbase. Just a little while longer. And to warn you that the hobgoblin might be extra testy tonight. He and Uhura are having a spat."

"And you came all the way out here to tell me that?" Jim quirks a brow.

Leonard frowns and folds his arms. "I wanted to check on you. You've been quiet lately."

"It's a lot to deal with," Jim says simply.

That doesn't feel like a lie, but it doesn't feel like the complete truth either.

"You'll let me know if it gets to be too much," Leonard tells him. "Amnesia would run down anybody, but you're a captain. You've got more than most to tackle."

"Aw, Bones-"

"Don't make that face. I'm being a responsible CMO."

"Sure you are." Jim doesn't stop looking at him like the cat that got the cream, though, and it's with a roll of his eyes that Leonard turns and walks away.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim keeps flipping through the pictures on the PADD, and the more he does, the more certain he becomes that he isn't imagining the feelings he gets when he looks at Bones. The pictures of him before he lost his memories are of a man blatantly in love with Bones. Jim is forever preserved making embarrassing doe eyes at Bones, clearly mooning over his friend.

So why didn't he do anything? He keeps hearing about how brave he is, how smart. So how did he not figure out he loves Bones?

It's obvious that Bones loves him. He's less obvious than Jim was, but there's an ease in his body when he's alone with Jim that disappears around other people. His smile looks less uncomfortable. And the touching- he's always leaning toward Jim or patting his shoulder or putting his feet in Jim's lap. There's more to it than the simple comfort of good friends.

Add to that the amount of time they spend together, and the answer is clear. Painfully, embarrassingly clear.

Jim loves Bones.

A little more time with the PADD reveals that the Jim's feelings aren't just romantic. The good captain isn't above a little lookalike porn. A good deal of it comes from parody sites, where Star Fleet vids are easily the most popular across the board. Jim opts to explore his own collection rather than the hosts'.

The lookalikes range from weakly resembling Bones to downright uncanny. Jim focuses on the good ones. Even they don't quite manage to get Bones' accent right, though. It's a delicate balance between drawl and twang, and the actors can't quite manage it.

There's some homemade stuff, too, though, and that's where Jim finds the vids with the real Southern dirty talk.

He can't imagine Bones ever saying some of the things. Well, maybe in the right setting, with the right person, if he felt comfortable enough...

Shit. Jim puts the PADD away.

This is too much. How the hell is he supposed to deal with this mess without his memories when he clearly couldn't when he did have them?

 

**_xx_ **

 

They're eating breakfast at their usual secluded table in the mess when Jim sighs, puts down his fork, and asks, "Why aren't we together? You're single. I'm single. We're obviously into each other."

Leonard does not choke on his oatmeal. It's close, but he doesn't. He does stare at Jim for a while, though. "I don't know," he says at last.

"How do you not know?"

Leonard shrugs. "I was always waiting on Jim, I suppose. I figured if he- if you still wanted me, you'd say something."

"Well, I definitely still want you," Jim says sourly. "It's nauseating. I looked through my PADD, and it's awful. Did you know I memorized the Hippocratic Oath so I could impress you?"

"Can't say that I did."

"I memorized Georgia's state motto, too."

"That's a touch excessive."

"I have a Google Earth map of your hometown and the town page saved in my favorites," Jim continues. "I also found a document full of potential spots to take you on a date. It's ranked and annotated. Want to see?"

He reaches for his PADD, but Leonard stops him. "No need for that," he says hastily. "I believe you."

Jim nods and lets him hand fall to the table. "So, again, why aren't we together?"

Leonard shakes his head. "I really don't know, Jim. Things just never worked out that way."

"We never even tried?" Jim's voice goes soft. "I don't think I've ever been crazy about someone like I am about you."

It's unfair, Leonard knows, to let the discussion continue. Jim has already told him far more than he would have if he had his memories.

As if sensing Leonard's reluctance to continue, Jim deflates. "Sulu said he and I could work out together after breakfast. I think I'll go see him."

"Good idea," Leonard agrees. "But remember-"

"To take it easy." Jim gives him a crooked smile. "I know, Bones. It's just some fencing, and you know Sulu. He's not going to let me start swinging until I get my footwork right."

That does sound like Sulu, so Leonard nods. Jim's smile straightens out, and he quickly gets up and leaves.

Leonard watches him go with a sinking feeling.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Everything is going fine with Sulu until he steps away and, cocking his head, asks, "So what's with you and McCoy?"

Jim's instinctive reaction- deny, deny, deny- comes and goes. He's gotten to know Sulu well thanks to their shared time in the gym, and he knows the helmsman is too sharp not to have noticed.

"I don't know," he says. "It seems obvious that we should be together, but we aren't. And I don't know why. Bones doesn't know why- and he's not going to do anything while my memory's Swiss cheese."

"Which could be permanent."

"Which could be permanent," Jim agrees. "I don't know what to do, man."

Sulu nods thoughtfully and gestures for Jim to follow as they put their equipment away.

"I met Ben right after I joined the Academy," he says as they sit down in a quiet corner. "He was working as a bartender, but I quickly found out he was a professor at a Berkeley. We clicked fast, and it seemed like the most natural thing would be for us to get together. But we didn't. We just kept being friends, even though it was clear we both wanted more."

"So how'd you do it?"

"I decided I was going to make it happen," Sulu says simply. "I wasn't going to lose more time with Ben through inaction." He shakes his head, lips twisting. "Love doesn't mean shit if you don't do anything with it, Jim. I know things are tough, but at some point, you're going to have to decide whether you'll accept the status quo or if you're going to shake things up to get what you want."

They sit there in silence for a time, watching the nearby ensigns spar.

"You told me that before, didn't you?" Jim asks after a while.

"I did."

"What did I say?"

"You told me you'd handle it, just like you told Spock and Uhura and even Chapel."

"I didn't handle it."

"We figured you weren't."

Jim sighs. "This is exhausting. I'm due for a nap anyway."

"Want me to walk you back?"

"I can handle it," Jim says, a touch sharper than he means to. Sulu raises his brows, and the irritation that had been rising in Jim subsides. "Sorry. I'm just-" What? What is he? "Cranky." It doesn't feel quite right, but it's right enough.

Sulu merely nods. "Go take that nap, Captain."

Jim makes a hasty retreat.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Spock finds him as he's finishing up the airing out process after an awkward examination of an Orion crew mate who dodged her yearly for too long.

"Doctor, I believe there is something we ought to discuss," he says in that odd, stunted way of his.

Leonard grunts to let Spock know he heard. There's been a truce of sorts between them ever since Jim got hurt. Leonard still makes the occasional crack, and Spock isn't above digging at him when he decides Leonard is being too human. It's not entirely bad.

There's a new familiarity between them, brought about by their mutual interest in keeping Jim safe. Leonard can see the necessity for Spock's cold logic when it comes to bringing Jim's impulsivity to heel.

What he doesn't see the necessity of is Spock intervening in Leonard's romantic life.

"I already told you," he hisses. "Nothing is going on between Jim and me."

"But you wish there were, do you not?"

"That isn't the point!"

Spock gives him a look that's almost sad. "Is it not? For you, Doctor, is the emotional element not the greatest?"

"Relating to people and loving Jim aren't synonymous, you know."

"I never mentioned love."

Leonard levels his best glare at the damn alien. "Oh, dear. You caught me out. I love Jim. Whatever will I do." He ducks his head and tugs at the new sheet on the bed he's making. "I'm not making a move while he's walking around without his memories."

"I was not suggesting that you do."

"Then what? What do you want, Spock?"

Spock hesitates before he says, "You know Jim is in love with you. You've known this since before the accident."

Leonard straightens the sheet with more strength than strictly necessary and doesn't respond.

Spock, as usual, doesn't need him to. "Over the years, you and Jim have become my closest friends. I would like to see you happy."

"And?" Leonard asks, moving swiftly onto the next bed.

"And I believe that the two of you denying each other prevents such happiness."

"Yeah, well, you don't always get what you want in life."

"Is that why you've been avoiding Jim?"

"I haven't been avoiding him." Spock tilts his head and quirks a brow, and Leonard sighs. "What am I supposed to do? He isn't my Jim."

"He may never be who he was. Even if he regains his memories, I have detected changes in his character."

"We all have," Leonard says with a sigh. "He's overly cautious, he follows the rules to a t, and he still hasn't gone to the bridge. I just can't work out why."

Spock nods. "I suspect even Jim is not fully aware of the cause of his aversion."

Leonard has a hunch about that, but he isn't about to share it with Spock, truce or no truce. Jim is still delicate. Leonard isn't about to endanger the balance he's found between who he feels he is and who they tell him he is.

"I'll see how he's doing later," he tells Spock. "He might be more open to poking around now that he's gotten comfortable here and the boredom is setting in."

"Perhaps he will," Spock says noncommittally.

Leonard doesn't begrudge him the lack of optimism. He doubts Jim will want to go, but it's worth asking.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Bones always looks good, but Jim can freely admit he likes Leonard best when he's dressed down. They're both wearing Starfleet gray sweats, though Jim has opted for a tank, whereas Bones, who gets cold easily, is wearing the matching sweatshirt.

They're in Bones' quarters, sitting on his bed and watching a movie. Jim gets the feeling it's one they've watched together before, but he doesn't remember it. He'd ask Bones about it, but Bones is falling asleep.

Part of Jim shies away from the sight of his friend rumpled and clutching a pillow.

Another, larger part feels right at home.

Which part is real, though? Which part does he listen to?

"It'll be fine."

Startling, Jim realizes Bones is wide awake now.

"Sorry."

Bones shakes his head. "I know you're worried about your memory. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out. We always do."

This isn't the first time Bones has said as much. It's frustrating that Jim can't remember that for himself. He ought to know how resourceful his crew is, how intelligent and dogged they are. But he doesn't. He doesn't know anything.

"You know, we could always try taking you to the bridge-"

"No!" Jim's stomach drops. "Absolutely not."

Bones doesn't get angry. He just gives Jim this soft look, like he's waiting for something.

"I can't," Jim says, looking down at his hands.

"Why not?"

"Because it's- It's false hope. What if I don't remember? They'll all be looking for me to remember for them, and if I can't-" He cuts himself off.

"I thought it might be something like that," Bones says quietly. "Come here."

Jim looks up as Bones sets the pillow aside.

"Come on," he says, gesturing Jim closer.

Without anything better to do, Jim goes.

Bones arranges him with his head on Bones' lap. Then he starts carding his fingers through Jim's hair.

"Used to do this when we were at the Academy," he explains. "You'd get these tension headaches, and you wouldn't take anything for them."

Jim swallows hard. "They went away when we left?"

"Nah. But you stopped seeing me to get rid of 'em. Found yourself someone better, I always thought."

No, Jim thinks instinctively. He didn't find someone better. There isn't anyone better.

Bones moves onto rubbing the tips of his fingers over Jim's scalp, and it feels too good to be real, each circle his fingers make clearing away the ache between his ears.

He catches himself dozing off but can't find it in himself to care. He's comfortable, Bones is warm and steady beneath him, and he feels better than he can remember feeling. It can't be that bad if he lets himself nap for a bit. He'll get up soon. In a minute or two...

 

**_xx_ **

 

It's standard procedure for Leonard, or a member of his staff, to accompany exploratory teams. If it were up to him, he would send someone else, but Sulu and Spock are clearly nervous with Jim still out of commission.

The planet seems safe enough from their scans. It's got a composition almost identical to Earth's, with a breathable atmosphere and lush earth.

Naturally, Leonard doesn't trust it.

To his surprise, neither does Jim.

"Be careful, will you?" he urges as Leonard suits up. He keeps shifting his weight nervously.

Leonard would enjoy the role reversal if he weren't also nervous as all hell.

"I'll be fine," he says anyway. "You'll barely have time to miss me."

"Bones, I'm serious. I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Anything you can quantify?"

Jim looks away. "No."

"Then it looks like we're stuck." Leonard pats Jim's shoulder. "I'll be back soon. Behave while I'm gone, all right?"

Jim gives him a mutinous glare, and Leonard smiles to himself as he heads off to join Spock and Uhura on the transporter.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Bones is wrong. Jim doesn't know how he knows this, but he's certain that whatever the planet below holds, it isn't good. Without any evidence or authority to stop the expedition, he's forced to watch helplessly as Bones walks away from the safety of his quarters.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim was right.

That's the last thing Leonard thinks before one of the people they're supposed to be befriending hits him over the head.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Something is wrong. The expedition is taking too long. The halls are too quiet. The few people he sees look drawn and don't meet his eyes.

He goes back to Bones' quarters.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard wakes to darkness and a wicked headache.

A moment later, an unfamiliar voice says something in a language he can't understand, a cup of something foul is emptied between his lips, and everything goes back again.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Eventually, Chekov comms him.

_"I am sorry to interrupt, but we have situation."_

Jim swallows hard and, sweaty fists clenching, forces himself to go to the bridge.

The moment the doors part and he steps through, he feels immediately as if he's been here before. Which he has, he reminds himself. He's spent years here.

Chekov is sitting in the captain's chair. His face is gray and drawn, and in the back of his mind, Jim hears a familiar voice say, "Oh, God, he's seventeen?" He wonders what was happening to make Bones say that. Chekov is twenty-one now. He's old enough to drink and publicly regret it.

"Mr. Chekov," Jim says, forcing his voice to stay even, "what's going on?"

"We have lost contact with exploratory team," Chekov tells him simply. "Sulu beamed down as well, and we lost contact with him, too."

"I'm not sure I see what I can do."

Chekov gives him a desperate look. "You are our real captain. Whether you remember you are or not, you are Captain Kirk. And we need our captain."

Jim's nails dig into his palms. "I can't."

"You have to. There is no one else."

 

**_xx_ **

 

The next time Leonard wakes up, he isn't alone. Uhura is with him, conscious but visibly shaken.

"It seems they only want you," she says quietly, not looking at him. "I don't know what they did with Spock."

"What makes you think they care about me?"

She turns her head towards him, and despite the low light, he can see one side of her face is a mess of blood and bruises. "They didn't hurt you."

Leonard cursed under his breath. If only he had his med kit...

"I'm sorry," he says, because there's nothing else to say.

She nods and looks away. "Just patch me up when we get back to the ship."

"I'm sure someone's coming," Leonard assures her. "We'll be all right."

She doesn't believe him, but then, neither does he. His only comfort is that Jim, at least, is safe.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim steps warily onto the transporter.

Bones has been watching over him this whole time, he reminds himself- as have the others. It's time he returned the favor.

"It won't hurt, right?" he asks.

Chekov gives him a thin smile. "No, sir. You may feel disoriented at first, but there is no pain."

Closing his eyes, Jim nods. "I'm ready."

When he opens them again, he's standing on soft earth.

_Time to bring my crew home_

_._

**_xx_ **

It takes a good while, and a whole lot of luck, but Jim manages to meet up with Spock and Sulu, who are wading through the thick brush. With their help, he finds the village, and from there, it's just a matter of sneaking around, peeking into windows, until Spock comes to an abrupt stop and marches over to a building with no discernable windows or doors.

Jim finds the magic panel to press which causes a strip of one wall to come free.

All three of them duck inside, and that's where they find their missing crewmates. Bones and Uhura are sitting together, blinking against the light, but once they recognize JIm and the others, they scramble to their feet.

"Let's go," Uhura urges.

"What the lady said," Bones agrees.

Spock pulls one of Uhura's arms over his neck, and Jim, without thinking, mirrors him with Bones. He can sense Bones' confusion, but he doesn't explain himself- couldn't explain himself if he tried. And Bones doesn't press him, just leans some of his weight on Jim and hobbles out after Spock and Uhura, with Sulu pulling up the rear.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard doesn't know why he lets Jim practically carry him out of the alien village, but let him Leonard does.

They move quickly from the dark building back into the heavy underbrush. Leonard loses track of their orientation quickly, but Spock guides them deftly back to the Enterprise.

Once they get back, Leonard and Uhura are scooped up by medical staff- much to Jim and Spock's frustration. They will be allowed in soon enough, and Leonard knows Uhura at least needs to be seen to sooner than later.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim is waiting outside Med Bay with Spock when the headache starts. He barely notices it at first, but it keeps building. Before he knows it, the headache is bad enough that he's bent over double, the heels of his hands digging into his temples as he gasps for breath. He doesn't hear Spock shout for a nurse or realize that the droning sound in his skull is his own voice, shouting in pain. All he can do is yank at his hair and blink away the tears until his vision goes black and he slumps over, unconscious.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard sits with Jim every moment he stays unconscious. It isn't a coma. His brain just thinks he should be sleeping, so that's what Jim does. He lies on his back on a biobed like Sleeping Beauty.

It makes Leonard twitch to see Jim- irresistible, bouncy Jim- lying so still. So quiet.

"Wake up already, would you?" he asks during one shift. "I'm gettin' lonely out here."

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jim wakes up slowly. The pain from earlier is gone, and he feels refreshed, like he's just had the best sleep of his life. He smiles to himself and stretches widely.

When he opens his eyes, he spots Bones immediately. His friend is scowling and jabbing at his PADD. There's a line between his brows, the one says says he's tired but refusing to sleep.

Jim itches to smooth it away.

"Hello," he says instead.

Bones jerks up immediately. "Jim!"

"'Mornin'. How long have I been out?"

"Too long," Bones says darkly. "How do you feel?"

"Honestly? I feel great. Never better."

"Uh-huh."

"What? It's true!"

"Forgive me if I don't trust you."

"Scan me," Jim orders, grabbing the tricorder bones left lying on the bed and fiddles with the settings. "Jesus, Bones. When are you gonna get a new one? I know you've had this one for ages, but come on, man. There's sentimentality and there's absurdity."

Bones freezes. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me. Get a new tricorder."

"A new tricorder," Bones breathes. "Jim, I never told you how long I'd had this tricorder."

"Oh?" Then it hits him. "Oh!"

"Yeah, oh!"

Jim doesn't wait for Bones to clear him. He just swings his legs over the side of the bed and takes off running.

He grabs the first crew mate he spots. "Ensign Ng!" he says excitedly. "You're working with Scotty on that secret project of his, aren't you?"

Ng stops in his tracks, looking confused. "Yes, sir."

"How's it coming?"

"It's coming."

"Excellent. Keep up the good work."

Jim turns around, and sure enough, there's Bones, a few yards behind, watching Jim with wide eyes.

When he catches Jim looking, though, his lips tug up into a smile. It's the sort of smile he'd have when Jim chose not to go out on a Saturday night and instead decided to have grab a pizza and surprise Bones at the end of his shift.

Jim jogs over to him.

"There's one thing I can't remember," he says, heart in his throat.

Bones frowns. "What's that?"

"Why I didn't do this sooner."

And that's all the warning he lets Bones have before Jim kisses him. It's a chaste kiss, hardly more than a peck, but it feels like something deeper, a piece of a puzzle finally slotting into place.

Bones blinks at him for a moment before his smile widens even farther. "Took you long enough."

"Took us both long enough," Jim corrects.

Bones hums something like agreement. Then he takes Jim's hands in his. "As much as I'd like to explore this immediately, I need to run some tests- and you need to put on something other than that gown." His smile turns sly. "I can't have the whole ship seeing you naked anymore, now can I?"

Jim realizes belatedly that he can feel a bit of a breeze across his ass and snaps a hand behind himself to grab the sides of the gown.

Bones beams at him and, with a hand low on Jim's back, leads him back to the Med Bay- but not without a few detours.

By the time they get back to Nurse Chapel, they're both grinning.

"M'benga owes me some credits," is all she says, but she's smiling, too, and for the first time in a long time, Jim's heart feels light.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Leonard tugs his uniform pants on and, after checking to be sure he's all dressed, leaves the the bathroom.

Jim is sitting up in bed by then. His hair is mussed from sleep- and Leonard's hands last night. He smiles when he sees Leonard, soft and sweet and genuine.

"Morning, Bones," he mumbles as he slips out of bed and crosses to Leonard.

"Mornin', Jim," Leonard says happily. He gently catches Jim's face with his hands and pulls him in for a quick, chaste kiss.

Jim smiles against his lips and tries to deepen the kiss, but Leonard pulls away. Besides Jim's terrible morning breath, they've both got to be on the bridge today.

"You stink. Go bathe."

Jim pouts at him but does as he's bid.

Leonard watches him go with a warm feeling in his chest. He spent so long thinking he was alone in this, that it had just been one night. But it wasn't. And now he's living with Jim, sleeping in Jim's bed and making sure Jim doesn't try to bear everything on his own.

It isn't easy, not entirely, but they work well together. Jim isn't as quick to dive headlong into danger, and Leonard... Well, Leonard is learning to accept that he can't keep Jim safe from himself. It's made for a happier ship; Jim's good mood has made his crew happier. Even Spock noticed the change, and he's about as good with emotions as a rock.

Jim emerges from the bathroom naked. He waggles his brows at Leonard, which makes Leonard roll his eyes.

"Come on, Captain," he says as Jim struggles into his underwear. "We don't have all day."

"We're in space, Bones. There is no day."

"You know what I meant."

Jim pauses and tilts his head. "Yeah," he says, a smile stretching his lips. "Yeah, I do."

Leonard has no idea why Jim is smiling, but he finds himself smiling, too, as he watching Jim get ready.

Eventually Jim finishes and gets to his feet. He holds out a hand expectantly, which Leonard takes.

"You hungry?" he asks as they head out.

"Starving," Jim says with a grin. "You worked me over real good last night, Mr. McCoy."

"If that was supposed to be my accent, it was terrible and I don't want to know."

Jim just smiles at him and holds Leonard's hand a little tighter.


End file.
